‍Last week we spoke about making the most out of ’24 by setting priorities, getting clear on our goals for the year and making that one big commitment to cultivate the character and skills needed to thrive.

Today, I want to touch on the most overlooked but vital step to not just reach the top of your proverbial mountain, but to live a rich and fully-lived life.

As a coach with quite an extensive international network, I have the privilege to work with a bunch of interesting people from all corners of the world.

I meet them at different stages of their journey towards success, but regardless of where they are, they all have something in common. They are a unique, rare and specific breed that is ambitious, energetic, but above all, determined to achieve their desired goals.

On the surface, this seems like (and is often promoted as) the recipe for success.

But as I work with them one-on-one, I often see the same pattern emerging — they’re well on their way, and some have even ‘made it to the top’ of their mountain, but at the expense of the other important areas in their lives — their relationships, their personal growth, their health, or simply their joy and zest for life.

They find themselves caught in a cycle of chronically overextending themselves, always reaching for the next thing on their to-do list, the next milestone, the next achievement.

At the core of this lies the arrival fallacy — the belief, the false hope, that once they make it to the top of their proverbial mountain, they will finally turn their attention to other important areas of their lives.

Yet, time and time again, once they ‘arrive’ at the top of that mountain, when the next thing is reached, another pursuit takes its place, perpetuating the cycle until it’s too late.

Until they burn out with exhaustion.Until their zest for life fades away.Until their partner leaves them.Until their friendships wither away.Until their children feel neglected and distant.

Until they realise they are missing the point of what it means to be successful.

I’ve come to call this “mono focus” — a fixation on one goal that consumes most, if not all, of our capacity. It’s the dark side of determination, that leaves people imprisoned in a room with a door that’s unlocked and opens inwards, not knowing they need to pull rather than push.

Now, I’m not saying this to bash or shame those who give it their all. Most of them have the best intentions and, like all of us, have been conditioned to believe that our worth and success are tied to how well we do professionally, and financially.

And as we grow older, these beliefs are then encouraged and rewarded by our culture leading us to pour all our energy into one pursuit, thinking that once we get there, it will bring us the (personal) freedom, fulfilment and validation we seek.

But the truth is that this blind-sided, laser-focused pursuit of a single goal isn’t just ineffective — it’s utterly destructive. It’s based on the flawed assumption that the various domains in our lives can operate independently.

That somehow, we can neglect our health, our relationships, our authenticity, and still emerge victorious in our chosen arena.

The reality, as most of my clients discover the hard way, is that they are far more interconnected than we like to believe. Our lives are not neatly compartmentalised boxes, but rather a complex web of interconnected aspects that constantly influence each other.

And this is what I see happening over and over again — the chronic overextension in one area of their lives inevitably leads to neglect in the others. And vice versa, the chronic neglect in one area almost always leads to the collapse of success in another.

As much as this is true for the overachievers in business, it’s also true for the overgivers in relationships. No matter your intentions, chronically over-extending yourself is simply not sustainable — your life will become a shaky house of cards — and eventually, your house of cards will collapse.

If you’ve been following me for some time, you know I’m the last person to say abandon your ambitions and hide behind some new-age identity. Quite the opposite.

I want you to be ambitious. I want you to stay hungry for your goals, but I also want you to understand that there’s a world of difference between occasionally over-extending yourself for a worthy cause and chronically over-extending yourself as a pattern of behaviour.

The first is normal and often a necessary part of the journey to get to where you want to go in business (or any other area!), especially during an important or crucial phase. The second wreaks havoc on your well-being and the people and things that matter most to you.

So, how do we guide ourselves towards a rich, and fully-lived life?

The most straightforward answer I can give you is this:

Decide what truly matters to you, and devote yourself to it.

This is where we come back to knowing your priorities, the 3 most important areas in your life right now, and setting goals that align and work in harmony with one another, rather than setting goals that endlessly compete for your limited time and energy.

And yes, this might mean that you won’t get as quickly from A to B, but you will reach far further in the long run. You’ll be able to build a life where you can sustain growth, where you can show up each day a little better, a little wiser, a little more balanced, and a little more fulfilled across all areas of your life.

If a “secret” to a fully-lived life would exist, it would be the consistency in devoting yourself to the pursuits, people and things that matter to you most.

It’s the consistent nurturing of our priority areas that allow us to keep playing the game.

It’s consistency that allows us to become better, and better.

A better professional.A better partner.A better parent.A better friend.A better athlete.A better neighbour.A better adventurer.

Or whatever hat you choose to wear in this lifetime.

So here’s my challenge for you — take some time this week to reconsider what success truly means to you in each of your priority areas. To decide what truly matters.

If you haven’t done this yet, I suggest you identify your top 3 priority areas for the next 6 months and set your goals in such a way that they support each other rather than compete for your time and energy.

This doesn’t mean that you need to give equal time and energy to each area but rather that you give appropriate time and energy to each area for it to restore balance, and eventually thrive.

Maybe one area will demand more from you, while others will require less, but it’s your task to discern what each area needs and what actions you need to take — what this chapter of life is inviting to accept, forgive, learn, decide, or do.

It’s up to you now.

This is your call to get back in the driver’s seat of life, to decide what truly matters, and then to devote yourself to it.

You got less than six months left this year, make them count.