I’ve got some explaining to do.

Last week, we “concluded” our 4-week sequence of newsletters, where we spoke about how to make the most of the time left in ’24 by getting to the core of what we truly want, but also, what it takes — and who we have to become — to achieve it.

We’ve covered a lot of ground, and although I said that we’d be moving onto something new, (I even had my new topic dance choreographed!), as I sat down to write this week’s newsletter, I realised there was one last thing to unpack.

If you’ve taken this seriously, you now know exactly what you have to do, you may have made plans or even started taking steps towards change, but, if you’re like most people, you may still feel like you’re PULLED back into old, all-too-familiar, patterns — unable to truly break free and make meaningful progress.

Why?

The answer, as uncomfortable as it might be, often lies in our inability, or unwillingness, to let the attachment (addiction!) we have to our current identity die so that the version of ourselves that CAN achieve our goals can come to life and take the wheel.

Think about it.

Humans, by nature, are creatures of habit, and even our frustrations can become comfortable in their familiarity.

And so, even when we’re aware that our current identity no longer aligns with our goals or aspirations — it’s the knee-jerk response for most to return to it over (or in response to) the discomfort of attempting to let it go.

Or more accurately, to let go of the survival mechanisms that come with with that identity — which is the core of why letting these parts of us die can be so challenging.

From my experiences as a coach, (most) people form these identities as a way of learning how to cope with the world around them — which over time, became deeply ingrained patterns of behaviour, thought and emotion that have been reinforced over months, years and in some cases, decades.

Some got used to being the overachiever, constantly chasing the next big win, always taking on more work, and never feeling satisfied. For them, it’s impossible to truly let go of this identity as long as they’re addicted to the praise for being the busy and successful one.

Others found comfort and safety in perfectionism — meticulously controlling every detail to avoid mistakes or criticism. For them, it’s impossible to take risks beyond their control as long as they’re addicted to the praise for being the one who never makes mistakes.

Then there are those who feel safer putting their needs and priorities below others in order to avoid conflict. For the people pleasers, it’s impossible for them to develop authentic relationships — with both themselves and those around them — while they’re addicted to the praise, and convenience, of being the nice, agree-able and self-sacrificing one.

And in a similar way, the care-takers and nice guys/girls, constantly looking after others, despite the toll it may have on them, will never be able to prioritise their happiness and pursue their personal goals while they’re constantly trapped in a cycle of always being there for others — addicted to the sense of being needed.

It doesn’t matter which archetype resonates with you most, if you’re the overachiever, the hyper-independent, the perfectionist, the caretaker, the people pleaser or the humble one -each of them, while potentially serving us in some ways, simultaneously stops us from pursuing what we truly want and deserve.

And this is the point that I want to get across to you today — it’s impossible to have what you want as long as you’re addicted to the praise (or comfort!) for being the person you pretend to be.

No matter how “comfortable” it may be for you stay stuck in these patterns and continue to embody the identity that once kept you safe — it’s ultimately a false comfort, an illusion.

The key is to recognise which of these you might be clinging to and to understand how they might be holding you back — but what’s more, it’s about facing the parts of yourself and your life that emerge when you break free from these familiar patterns.

So what is it that you need to face and hold?

Uncertainty? Discomfort? Fear? Embarrassment? Boredom? Inadequacy? Cowardice? Escapism?

Find what it is that you find difficult to face and (learn to) lean into it, because only then can you begin the process of letting go — allowing space for a new, more authentic version of yourself to emerge — one that’s capable of achieving the goals you’ve set and living the life you truly desire.

And let me tell you, this isn’t just about shedding old habits. It’s about confronting and unlearning the past behaviours that you used to protect yourself from the fears and insecurities that have been lurking beneath the surface, masked by these identities you’ve clung to for so long.

When you start to let go, it’s about taking the responsibility of confronting the very things you’ve been avoiding. The overachiever might have to confront the fear of not being “enough” without constant achievements. The perfectionist might need to embrace the discomfort of making mistakes and learning from them, while the people-pleaser might need to face the discomfort of potentially disappointing others while prioritising their own needs and desires.

But this discomfort, this uncertainty, it’s not just necessary. It’s where you make space to become more than you ever thought you could be.

So, I invite you to take the next step. Identify one aspect of your current identity that’s holding you back. Acknowledge it, thank it for how it’s served you in the past, and then make the conscious decision to let it go. Replace it with a new belief, a new way of being that aligns with your goals and aspirations.

It’s my hope that you allow yourself to become the version capable of achieving the goals you dream of.

I hope you stop convincing yourself it’s not the right time or that a better opportunity will come along.

I hope you do not cap your potential at what others think is normal and possible.

I hope you take the leap. I hope you stop avoiding your fears and insecurities and confront them head-on.

I hope you find the courage to let go of the parts of you that are no longer serving you.

But most of all, I hope you come out on the other side better, changed, wiser, bolder, stronger, and more fulfilled. I hope that you let yourself be more than you ever thought you could be.

I hope this helps.