We’re told that with sheer willpower, determination, and the right strategies, we can bend life to fit our desires — which paints a picture of a world where everything is within our control, and if something goes amiss, it’s because we didn’t try hard enough or had the wrong approach.

And when we continuously cling to our expectations and desires, we often set ourselves up for disappointment and suffering. Because when life doesn’t align with our envisioned script, it feels like a betrayal.

So instead of experiencing life as a series of moments, each offering its unique lesson and beauty, we view it through a lens of resistance. We become defenders of our imagined lives instead of participants in our real ones.

And in our pursuit to dominate our narrative and control life’s outcomes, we often miss the simple truth. That “pain is inevitable and suffering is optional” — a saying that forces us to confront our relationship with acceptance.

While pain is an integral part of life’s tapestry, the suffering we feel often stems from our inability to embrace and accept that pain.

Embracing, understanding and accepting this nuance is key.

There’s a world of difference between experiencing pain — which might come from setbacks, loss, or disappointments — and perpetuating suffering by not acknowledging (and accepting!) that pain — which creates a feedback loop where resistance amplifies our distress.

And at the heart of this idea is the principle of radical acceptance — the practice of seeing our situation without any judgment. Not labelling it good or bad, right or wrong, but seeing it for what it is.

Marsha Linehan, a pioneering psychologist who brought the idea of radical acceptance to the forefront, describes it as “Letting go of the illusion of control and a willingness to notice and accept things as they are right now, without judging.”

There are many people feel stuck or even suffer because they can — but often don’t want to — accept the truth of their circumstances. This resistance, this refusal to come to terms with the here and now, becomes a barrier that keeps many from moving forward, even when opportunities present themselves.

Yet, radical acceptance is not only necessary, but the most important and powerful tool when it comes to taking charge of your growth, direction, and success in life.

Think about it…

How can we know where we’re going if we don’t fully accept where we are?

How can we chart a path forward if unwilling to learn the lesson that’s right in front of us?

It’s only once you truly accept where you are and what’s happening, and get at least comfortable enough being in it, that you can take conscious and productive action to get where you want to go.

I’m not talking about resigning ourselves to our fate but more about understanding and accepting our starting point. Because I honestly believe that we can’t grow beyond our limitations if we are fighting them at the same time.

It’s like trying to swim against a powerful current, using all our energy just to stay in place, rather than finding a way to work with it. And even upstream of that, we can’t work on something in a meaningful way if we are unwilling to accept the truth about ourselves.

So, what does it mean to take radical acceptance?

It means to wholeheartedly embrace reality, even when that reality is uncomfortable, painful, or contrary to our expectations. It’s an acknowledgement that, sometimes, life doesn’t go the way we plan, and circumstances aren’t always within our control. But instead of pushing back, resisting, or denying the situation, radical acceptance encourages us to lean into it.

It’s about looking at our lives without the rose-coloured glasses, without the filters, and without the narrative that society or others might impose upon us. It’s about vulnerability and raw honesty.

Take my client Tom for example (his real name isn’t Tom!). Tom wants to become an authority in his field, but fears putting himself out there in order to do so. In an attempt to avoid facing his feelings of fear, shame and inadequacy he focuses on, and perfects, 100 other things — ignoring (and staying blind to) the one thing that will genuinely move the needle in the direction that he wants.

In short, he resists the very thing in front of him and fights himself for not doing it.

Tom doesn’t have to agree with the situation. Nor does he have to like it. But what he does have to do (and something that my therapist told me) is accept (and even learn to love!) those feelings of inadequacy and judgement and take action from that place.

Not from where he’ll be in a few weeks, not from where he wants to be, not from where he thinks he should be — but from where he is.

It’s about letting go of the “should haves” or “could haves” and focusing on the “what is.” It’s about living in the present, finding peace with the past, and moving forward with clarity.

And don’t get me wrong, it’s much easier to hide behind pretences, to put on a brave face, to pretend everything is alright even when it’s not. But without radical acceptance, we often find ourselves in a perpetual state of denial or avoidance, which can manifest in various ways, from procrastination to making excuses, or even engaging in self-destructive behaviours.

And over time, this act becomes draining, almost suffocating.

The energy we spend on resisting the truth is energy wasted — energy that could be better used in addressing our challenges and seeking solutions.

When we don’t accept our realities, our decision-making process is clouded. Instead of making choices based on a clear understanding of our situation, we’re influenced by our desires to escape or change our circumstances without confronting them — which leads to missteps, missed opportunities, and overall dissatisfaction.

But it’s only when we accept things as they are, can we begin to see the paths that lie ahead. Every situation, no matter how dire, presents opportunities — but we’ll only see them when we stop fighting against the current of reality.

Because after all, ignoring our circumstances doesn’t make them vanish, it just obscures the opportunities hidden within them.

In fact, this was a point that was brought up in the first call of this year’s cohort of my program, From The Core, where each individual courageously opened up and began to identify (and accept!) the areas of their lives that were begging them to drop in more and face them with unwavering abandon.

The beauty of radical acceptance is that it doesn’t mean giving up or settling. It’s a recognition of the present, allowing you to channel your energies effectively towards a better future.

In a world that often celebrates hustle, speed, and relentless ambition, the idea of acceptance may seem passive. But it’s anything but.

And so, I wanted to leave you with something to reflect on:

In what parts of your life are you not accepting reality?

Are you avoiding creating content for your business out of fear of being judged? Are you holding onto a job or position that you’ve outgrown, simply because it’s familiar and safe?

And to really get to the core, ask yourself — what is life expecting from you in order for you to grow and evolve?

What is life inviting you to accept, forgive, learn, develop, do or become?

Remember, to truly thrive and live a fully-lived life, it’s essential to meet life as it is, not as we wish it would be.

Only then can we chart our own path.