Last week, I was on a call with a client — let’s call him James, a founder of a tech company with big ambitions and an even bigger promise to live up to.

In James’ current season of life, his business is his top priority, and in an attempt to optimise his energy, focus, and productivity, he did what so many high achievers do — he built himself a morning routine straight out of every self-help book you can find.

Wake up at 4:30 AM. Hydrate. Dynamic stretching. Breathwork. Meditation. Visualisation. Plan the day. Hit the gym. Breakfast. Then finally, get to work.

On paper, it looked solid. In practice, it was setting him up to fail. Not because the habits themselves were bad, but because his approach to them was rigid — an all-or-nothing game.

On the days James hit every step of his routine, he felt in control, motivated, and productive. But the moment he missed even one element, the entire structure collapsed. Instead of adjusting, he felt like he had already fallen behind. If he couldn’t do it all, why bother at all?

And so, what started as a well-intentioned system to support his success became a fragile, high-stakes game — one where he felt either motivated and in control or lost it entirely.

And after 7,000+ hours of coaching, I can tell you that this story isn’t unique to James.

It’s a pattern I see in leaders and high achievers — they think they’re optimising for success, but they’re actually making it more fragile. Their entire system depends on everything going exactly as planned.

But here’s the reality — perfect conditions rarely exist. Life has a way of throwing curveballs, and that’s where most people lose their momentum. Not because they lack discipline, but because they’ve built a system that don’t survive the ups and downs of life.

We’ve been sold this idea that we can be exceptional in every area of life, all at once. That we can be the perfect leader, partner, friend, and athlete while also running a business, staying in peak shape, reading a book a week, and meditating daily. That if we just manage our time better, wake up earlier, and push a little harder, we can hold it all together.

But this kind of balance is an illusion, and trying to achieve it doesn’t create more success — it creates more stress.

The moments in life when we feel most alive, when we’re fully immersed in something meaningful, are rarely the moments when we’re the most “balanced.”

Think about when you’ve felt most alive, most engaged, most yourself.

Maybe it was building a company that excites you. Maybe it was training for a big event that pushed you. Maybe it was falling in love with someone that changed everything.

These are the times when we’re furthest from conventional “balance” — and yet they’re often the times we feel most fulfilled most ourselves. Because here’s what I’ve come to understand: true balance isn’t about giving equal attention to everything at the same time. It’s about giving appropriate attention to what matters most in each season of your life.

Excellence, greatness, fulfilment — they don’t come from spreading yourself thin trying to do it all. They come from aligning your time and energy with your true priorities and having the courage to let other things go. Sometimes this means going all-in on your business while other areas take a back seat. Sometimes it means prioritising relationships while career growth slows. Sometimes it means focusing on your health while social life quiets down.

Life moves in seasons. Your job isn’t to maintain perfect equilibrium — it’s to recognise what season you’re in and adjust accordingly. To know what’s truly important right now, evaluate the tradeoffs honestly, and make conscious choices about where your energy goes.

Part of becoming a mature adult (and leader!) is accepting that tradeoffs exist.

Nobody can do it all.

Nobody can be great at everything.

Nobody can be perfectly balanced at all times.

And the sooner we embrace this reality, the easier it becomes to make choices that truly support our vitality and growth — rather than chasing an impossible ideal.

This means that once we accept that balance is an illusion — that life isn’t black and white, and peak performance isn’t about getting everything perfect — we can finally start building a structure that works in real life.

One that keeps us moving forward, even when circumstances shift. Or when sh*t hits the fan.

Yet, the biggest mistake most high achievers make when structuring their goals, habits and routines is that they swing between extremes. They approach in one of two ways:

1. All-in intensity — where they commit at 100%, stacking routines, high standards, and discipline until life inevitably disrupts it.
2. Passive flexibility — where they reject structure altogether, going with the flow but often losing consistency, direction, and momentum.

Neither of these approaches is sustainable. A structure that is too rigid collapses the moment life intervenes. A structure that is too loose leaves no foundation for progress.

The solution is finding the right level of challenge — one that keeps you engaged, but doesn’t overwhelm you. This is what psychologists call the Goldilocks Rule, which states that we stay most motivated when the challenge is just right.

Not too easy, not too hard, but just right.

And this is exactly where thinking in three tiers changes everything. Instead of rigid standards that leave no room for reality, this approach gives you different levels to work with — letting you adapt without losing momentum.

When I work with my clients, I invite them to think about it as having three different gears:

Your Non-Negotiables — these are your absolute foundation. The habits you stick to even on your worst days because they’re simple enough to be doable, yet meaningful enough to matter.

Your Baseline — this is your standard operating procedure. What you aim for when life is running normally — not perfect, but solid and sustainable.

Your Optimal — this is your highest gear. The full routine, the complete system, the ideal scenario. Not something you hit every day, but something to reach for when conditions allow.

And this is what makes the difference — instead of feeling like you’ve failed when you don’t hit that optimal level, you build trust with yourself. Because no matter what life throws at you, you always have a way to stay engaged. To keep moving forward. To win the day — even if it looks different than you planned.

Self-trust isn’t built by executing a perfect routine.

It’s built by proving to yourself, over time, that you can adjust without abandoning progress.

That’s the real goal. Not the illusion of balance. Not perfection. But having the clarity, structure and discipline to keep showing up for what matters, no matter the circumstances.

What I invite you to do, is to look at your life right now.

What truly needs to be non-negotiable?
What makes sense as your baseline?
What represents your optimal scenario? Aka what would your perfect day look like?

Remember, this isn’t about copying someone else’s routine or meeting an arbitrary standard.

It’s about creating a structure that serves your vitality and growth in this season of life — a system that allows you to stay engaged, rather than feeling like you have to start over every time life happens.

And while that isn’t always easy, there is a certain freedom in giving yourself permission to go all-in on what’s most important. Even if it means letting other things slide for a while.

I hope it gives some hope.

I hope it gives some inspiration.

I hope it gives some relief.

Have a great weekend.