In my work with my clients, I see a pattern that comes up time and time again.

When we first start to work together, one of the first things that I ask them is if they live by their values. And more often than not, the answer is yes.

Some are confident that everything they’ve built — their business, their career, their success — is a direct reflection of those values. Others know their values, and tend to incorporate them into a daily basis, but not to the extent of others.

But across the board, no matter the level of success — professionally and personally — something feels off.

They can’t quite explain it.

They’ve been doing everything they’re supposed to. Putting in the work, chasing the milestones, following the path that should, in theory, lead to success.

Some have already built the business, hit the goals, and created the life they once imagined for themselves. Others are still in pursuit, pushing forward, convinced that the next achievement will be the one that makes it all click.

But whether they’re at the peak or still climbing, the same feeling lingers.

A quiet restlessness. A sense that, despite the progress, something isn’t fully landing. That no matter how much they achieve, something still isn’t lining up.

And here’s why.

Ambition isn’t the issue. Lack of direction isn’t either. The real challenge is that some of the values driving their decisions were never truly theirs to begin with.

They were inherited. Absorbed from family, culture, industry norms — accepted without question. And when you’re operating from values that aren’t fully your own, no amount of success will make you feel aligned.

This is what I call The Knowing-Being Gap — the disconnect between the values we’ve inherited, absorbed, or been conditioned to adopt, and the values that are an authentic reflection of who we are and what we truly stand for.

It’s easy to assume that knowing your values means you’re living by them. And sometimes, even inherited values can serve us for a time. But when they’re never consciously examined, they can just as easily lead to misalignment — creating friction between how we live and who we truly are.

Because when you build a life on someone else’s blueprint, it will always feel like something is missing.

From the moment we are born, we are shaped by external influences that dictate not only what we consider to be “right” or “wrong” but also what is rewarded, accepted, and validated.

And while this is necessary in childhood, failing to reassess these values as we mature can keep us stuck — chasing achievements, relationships, or goals that no longer — or never did — align with who we are and aspire to stand for.

This is why so many people, despite their efforts and the progress they make, feel a lingering sense of restlessness, dissatisfaction, or emptiness. The discomfort often arises not because of the lack of effort, but because they have never truly examined whether the values driving their choices and behaviours align with what they believe to be right, true and important.

The key distinction here is this:

→ Inherited values come from conditioning. They are shaped by external expectations — what we “should” value based on societal norms, family traditions, or professional standards.

→ Chosen values come from reflection. They are consciously defined through experience, self-inquiry, and a willingness to challenge what we hold to be true.

Without this awareness, you may continue to operate under the illusion of alignment, believing you’re acting on your values when, in reality, you’re simply conforming to inherited scripts.

No one sets out to build a life that feels disconnected. But it happens -gradually, almost imperceptibly. You make choices that seem smart. You follow the path that’s encouraged, respected, even admired. You do what’s rewarded. And for a while, it works. Things move forward. You make progress. You succeed in the ways you were taught to define success.

But slowly, something shifts.

The clarity you once felt begins to fade. The drive that used to energise you begins to drain you. And the success that once felt like proof now feels like a question. Not because anything went “wrong,” but because somewhere along the way, you stopped checking in with whether the path you were on was truly your own.

And when that moment comes — when you feel the quiet tension between the life you’ve built and the life you actually want — it rarely announces itself loudly. It shows up as a subtle, persistent discomfort. A restlessness you can’t quite name. A question you keep pushing aside:

Where did I stop choosing this?

But most people simply aren’t aware, or don’t pause long enough, to ask that question. Instead, they keep going — chasing the next goal, assuming that more success will fill the gap. But misalignment doesn’t fix itself. It only deepens.

And if there’s one thing I’d like you to take away from this newsletter, it’s that slowing down to reassess isn’t a luxury — it’s the difference between living by intention and moving on autopilot.

Because the real issue isn’t whether you’re achieving enough. It’s whether what you’re achieving is built on values that truly belong to you.

Until you interrupt the pattern and question its source, you’ll keep following an invisible script — one that pushes forward without asking if this is where you actually want to go.

And so, the real work isn’t just about identifying values, it’s about questioning whether they are truly yours.

So this week, I want to challenge you to take a deeper look.

1. Identify the source — Write down three values you live by today. Then, for each, ask yourself: Where did this come from? Did you actively choose this, or was it inherited from family, culture, or external influence?
2. Assess alignment — Next to each value, rate it from 1–5:

• 1 = I don’t resonate with this at all.
• 3 = This feels somewhat true, but I’ve never questioned it deeply.
• 5 = This fully aligns with who I am and what I believe to be right, true and important.

1. Challenge assumptions — Look at any value rated below a 4 and ask:

• What do I fear will happen if I let this go?
• What value would I choose instead?
• What actions would I take differently if I lived by this new value?

1. Commit to one shift — Pick one concrete action this week that reflects a chosen value, not an inherited one. It can be small — a different way of making a decision, prioritising your health, setting a boundary, or saying no when you normally wouldn’t.

This isn’t about abandoning everything you’ve been taught. It’s about becoming intentional with what you carry forward.

Until you take this level of ownership, it’s easy to mistake conditioning for conviction, and conformity for clarity. But the moment you stop accepting inherited values as truth and start choosing them consciously, you not only reclaim the ability to live with greater authenticity — you develop the power to move through life with deeper confidence, self-trust, and alignment.

So, are the values you’re living by truly yours, or someone else’s?

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